I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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