tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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