I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
