Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
