My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
