she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
