she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
