we made out on top of his cat.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just pee around me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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