i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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