At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
