How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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