I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
