im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
