It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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