That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
