Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
