All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
where am i from again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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