My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
