nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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