Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
