im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
