my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
