Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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