Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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