There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
