Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
