I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
