Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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