the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
