some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
