i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've blown a few things in my day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
