and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
