never play flip cup with pint glasses
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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