I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
