I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
