i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
