dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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