Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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