its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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