i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
