I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there's paper in my vomit.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
