I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
