you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
