The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
