How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
