were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are a genius and a whore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
