Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
