just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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