I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My cat gives me a boner
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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