HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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