Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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