so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
