i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
