Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
