Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
