i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
