i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
