sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to align my fucking chakras
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
