Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do vagina's smell?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
