Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
