Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
