there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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