'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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