Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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