i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
