Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
