He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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